This will not be horse related!
So Monday while I was driving to school, my dad called me... My grandma passed away that morning... I had to pull over, not being able to continue, I just started crying... Not just crying, I was falling apart. I never thought she would go that soon! She would be 88 next month, alright that is a nice age, but you never want them to go...
So my dad picked me up at school and we went to see her, she was so peaceful, almost sleeping... But me, my sister, my brother and my dad, we all fell apart... She meant a lot to us! We are a very close family, so the pain is even bigger... I didn't want to leave, that would make it official, like she was really gone...
The days went by in a haze, having a headache, tummy aches and so on... Crying everyday, I never knew a human could cry so much...
And today, it was her funeral...
I didn't want this day to come, it would be the last time she would be 'with' us... First we did the greeting, so someone was talking about how she left us and so on, I couldn't keep it dry, not at all...
And then my dad spoke some words, and then it was my turn. Normally the lady that works there would do it, but change of plans. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, everyone said I did great, but it was still difficult! I am the youngest grandchild, so it was kind of special that I read something.
After a couple of hours, she was cremated and the ashes were to be spread. It was the final part of the day, but it made it more difficult because the strong woman I knew, was just an urn full of ashes... It's so final, you know? You know at that moment it's all real, you can't say she's in her room or she'll great you when you come in... No, she's gone, and it's final, or more denying...
So yeah, she's gone, I'm going to miss her a lot! But she is back with my grandpa, probably nagging at him! But she will be remembered as the strong, independent but small woman she was!
She would always say: "You 'stinkers'*, you'll give me green hair instead of gray!"
Forever in our hearts!
*'stinkers' is a dutch word, but if I translate it, it would lose his power...
